Thursday, December 31, 2009

A BIG CABLE CARRIAGE FIGHT WRAPS UP THE "00s" DECADE

Well, with the newspaper put to bed and with all of my sources all out on vacation I have taken some more time off of my own, and am spending today relaxing and enjoying one of my favorite pastimes when I have a weekday off: I am watching business TV channels like Bloomberg and CNBC. 

Well, considering that last decade at this same time I was ringing in the 2000s working a temporary job in a securities house on Bay Street in Toronto, I guess it makes sense for me to ring in this next decade by looking at stock quotes roll across the screen on TV. Speaking of TV...
From the looks of it, TIme Warner Cable is in a big fight with Fox Broadcasting over fees. (Gee, where have we heard that before?) As a result, Time Warner may pull the Fox network right off their cable system and deprive countless sports fans of their beloved football games over the next few days. From what we hear the negotiations are going badly and are described as "vitriolic". Sort of like this fight between the TV broadcasters and the cable companies in Canada. And who always loses in the end in these kinds of disputes? That's right -- the football fans. It stinks. If this lasts for any length of time it could even take down American Idol. Yikes.

Overall I am glad to see this decade go - the decade of terrorists and financial upheaval, and Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, and bad, bad, bad reality TV. Time Magazine was right: this decade sucked.

I'd like to think there's nowhere to go but up, but I think there's still plenty of opportunity out there for things to get even worse. Really, we could have a nuclear war break out this next decade. We really need to keep a close eye on some of these nutcases in power around the world and make sure we all get through this next decade in one piece without any damage.

Happy New Decade! Hopefully it will be a good one.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

NOW, BACK TO LIVE CONTINUING COVERAGE OF MEN BEHAVING BADLY AGAIN

I have a question. Is this latest Charlie Sheen arrest stemming from yet another big domestic dispute with the wife really news? This is not news, this is normalcy in the Sheen household. Seriously, this really is getting ridiculous. When it comes to women, Charlie Sheen never fails to get into a ridiculous amount of trouble. He just can't help it, it seems.

Now there are stories floating that the wife wants to reconcile. I don't know why, but if the marriage survives, fine. It's not like divorce lawyers need the work.

Incidentally, don't you think it's about time for some of these famous guys to maybe clean up their act? These male celebrities and their antics are truly making all men look like pigs. It kind of makes it difficult for the well-behaved guys to be taken seriously by the ladies.

I MISS VEGAS ALREADY

Well, I already miss Las Vegas.

I knew I'd miss the weather and the casinos, but I also miss the American TV I would watch down there. For some reason, Canadian TV insists on showing a lot of hockey games and a lot less football and basketball.

In addition to USA, TNT and some of these other networks that we do not get in Canada, there were local Vegas cable channels on my TV which showed local and gambling-oriented stuff. One channel called the Player's Network ran a reel of gambling lessons showing you how to play blackjack, craps and other fun games. I suppose they were trying to show you how to lose less of your money.

Another channel showed something called The 702 Scene, a show about all the coolest places in Vegas that was hosted (left) by that wholesome all-American girl next door Alison Waite. She was the Playboy Playmate from May 2006 and is one of the many Playboy women who have overrun Las Vegas (ie. Holly Madison, the bunnies at the Palms, etc.).

Alison reminds me a lot of Samantha Harris and Thea Andrews for some reason -- seemed like a natural entertainment reporter, someone who could fit in on the red carpet. Watching The 702 Scene, Alison seemed like someone who should be a correspondent on some big entertainment news show on TV. As it turns out, she is a correspondent for Extra!. Holy moley, Alison! Her demo reel is on the Web and it's pretty good -- it gives you a good idea not only of what I saw on TV in Vegas, but also shows off some of the things I actually saw in Vegas, like the Miracle Mile. Check out Alison's reel. Who knows, maybe you have a good job in TV to give her.

Surprisingly, there wasn't much poker to watch on TV. I don't know why not; you'd think there would be a market for it down there. There was plenty of UFC coverage on Spike TV, though, which also showed lots of reruns of CSI.

Oh, and for the record, -- yes, I saw Elvis. He was right there on the street, waving at people.



That's it for my rants about Las Vegas; I have a couple of Reject Report columns coming your way in the next few days, so look out for that.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

TIPS FOR TRAVELLERS TO LAS VEGAS

Apart from all the nonsense involving the tightened security because of that idiot who tried to blow up that airplane over Detroit, my recent trip to Las Vegas went amazingly well. All my arrangements for it had been made at once over the Internet, so I had no hassles when it came to getting shuttles to and from my hotel or in checking in once I got there. I got into Las Vegas just after 5pm Nevada time on Wednesday and was able to take advantage of basically the whole first night to look around the Las Vegas strip and see the casinos.


If you are thinking of going to Las Vegas, now is definitely the time to consider it. Las Vegas is already famous as an affordable destination, but because of the recession in the USA, there have been plenty of empty rooms in the hotels. So there are a lot of deals out there to fill the rooms and lure people into the casinos. The vacation deal I got came in under $600 total for the airfare, the shuttle to and from the airport, three nights’ hotel stay at a good hotel on the Las Vegas Strip, and all the taxes and travel insurance I had to pay. Not a bad deal. I probably could have gone there for even less if I had chosen a less swanky hotel or booked even earlier. Also, I saved a lot of money on transportation once I got there. I did a lot of my own walking on the Strip, and when I went downtown I took the bus and paid a grand total of six bucks for the round trip. The bus was really slow, though. I could have taken the monorail to save time, but that would have ended up costing me more money.

Another big advantage for me, anyway, was the fact that Las Vegas is one of the few American destinations where you could go there on a direct flight from Saskatoon. That eliminated a lot of hassle, but the direct flights on WestJet aren't daily. Only on Wednesday and Saturday.

By the way, once you land at the airport, YOU ARE RIGHT THERE. The major hotels are all literally right across from the airport runways. That was interesting to me, since I’m used to going to airports located in the boondocks far from all the action.

It’s important to watch out for the best deals and to be flexible when it comes to Las Vegas vacation plans. I had actually moved my Vegas vacation up from when I was planning to take it in late January, which I figured would be the pit of winter. But then the prices for late January went up by well over a hundred bucks. So I saved a lot of money by going at Christmas. It’s a good thing I went, too. I was going bat crazy with the terrible cold weather in Saskatchewan. I couldn’t take one more day of it, so I was really glad to enjoy three days of sunny skies and reasonably decent temperatures with highs in the low teens. It felt like September weather down there. It really was absolutely better than the best weather Saskatchewan could come up with in December.

I sure didn’t miss Saskatchewan life very much when I was there. About the only thing missing in Vegas was Tim Hortons, but they have Krispy Kreme donuts down there and those taste better, anyway. Sorry, Canada.

Don’t expect to see much hockey on TV there, though, not even on the highlights; ESPN shows much more football and basketball. Incidentally, expect to see a lot of NASCAR race cars and other stuff in the casinos. Las Vegas is a NASCAR city and there’s a Sprint Cup race there in late February for those interested in going down there that month. There’s also a NASCAR Cafe on the Strip for those interested.

Las Vegas is famous for hosting the fights (boxing and UFC) so you may want to look up some if you are interested in those. There’s also a lot of football merchandise around, but you won’t find too many Saskatchewan Roughriders items in Las Vegas, unfortunately. At the hotel I was staying at, though, I noticed a tourist who was proudly wearing a green Wes Cates jersey. I felt right at home seeing that.

Fans of network television can preview some of the pilots being considered by NBC and CBS for free at some locations. The CBS screening rooms are at MGM Grand and NBC is at Mandalay Bay. Incidentally, the souvenir stores are overrun by CSI merchandise on sale everywhere; the show CSI is set in Vegas. There’s a real-life CSI exhibit you can visit at the MGM Grand as well, but it costs money to get in.

For those planning a vacation, make sure you get booked into a hotel on the Las Vegas Strip if your primary motive is to see any shows down there or do any shopping. Downtown Las Vegas and Fremont Street is definitely not where the action is anymore and frankly looks a little worse for wear. I went down there on Christmas day and the place looked like one of those corpses discovered by the CSI people. The place was dead, dead, dead.

I’d say the Fremont Street casinos are really for the hard-core gamblers and card players. If you’re a hard-core gambler who likes to wear boots and cowboy hats, you’ll probably like downtown a lot more than the Strip, which is getting overrun by a lot of swanky shops from Beverly Hills and other types of stores aimed at the rich and the cool people.

The hotels downtown didn’t impress me, though, except maybe the Golden Nugget which at least had a little life to it. Most of them looked kind of average to me. If you insist on staying downtown make sure the hotel isn’t charging you an arm and a leg, otherwise you are getting robbed. (Also, anyone considering the California Hotel should know that the hotel has nothing to do with California; it’s full of Hawaiians.)

Incidentally, there are lots of pawn shops in downtown Las Vegas. Just an interesting observation.

Away from downtown, those considering swanky casino-hotels like the Palms, the Gold Coast and the Rio should know that those are located off the Las Vegas Strip and are kind of isolated. That’s a disadvantage if you want to schedule visits to a lot of casinos on the Strip, but an advantage if you want to get away from the crowds and noise and the wall to wall traffic, and want some peace and quiet. I actually went on foot to these casinos from Caesar’s Palace and it’s a long walk just from there, and I wasn’t even staying at Caesar’s Palace. So be aware of that. Also, there are other casinos such as South Point that are far away to the south and isolated, too. So know your hotel locations before you go.

If you do want to go to shows, consider waiting until you get to Las Vegas and go to Tix4Tonight, which sells tickets at half price. A lot of shows are NOT sold out, so spending sixty to a hundred bucks on a show might not be worth it in the end.

That’s it for now — needless to say I am seriously considering joining the World Poker Tour and moving to Las Vegas full-time. Fun place.

WORLD JUNIORS ARE ON

The best thing about returning to Canada from Las Vegas when I did was that I arrived back home just in time for the World Juniors.

The games are being held in my neck of the woods -- namely, Saskatchewan. Saskatoon and Regina are hosting the games and you can follow the exciting tournament action by going to the IIHF website, or by going to TSN's World Junior Hockey page; TSN is also showing the tournament on TV. Also, the Saskatoon Star-Phoenix has complete coverage of the tournament here..

It's exciting sports times for Saskatchewan. This is yet another big-time sporting event for our province, following up on the excitement and big Grey Cup letdown of the Saskatchewan Roughriders football season.

Still, I don't exactly know the reason why the World Juniors have emerged as such a big deal in this country at this time of year. Must be something to do with the fact that Canada wins at this all the time.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

FAREWELL TO GEORGE MICHAEL OF THE SPORTS MACHINE

It's Sunday night, so I am posting this at around the same time when a Sunday tradition for sports fans would normally air. It would usually be right after the late local news when you could catch the syndicated George Michael Sports Machine, hosted for many years by legendary Washington sportscaster George Michael. 

Michael died last week at age 70, not long after budget cuts at NBC ended that show and forced him into retirement from his longtime base at WRC-TV in Washington, D.C.

He was a throwback to the days when local sportscasts and sportscasters dominated -- the pre-ESPN era. In fact, you used to see his highlights all the time locally. I remember so many of his highlights would turn up on local TV in Saskatoon, because his highlights used to be fed by NBC to stations throughout North America. Those were the days when local TV REALLY mattered.

Nowadays, you don't see as much of an effort put into local sports on TV. It is always the first place these news directors turn to for budget cuts, which is why Michael eventually had to retire. It's too bad, because I think fans still want to see local sports coverage on TV. But too many local stations seem to have this defeatist "we can't compete with ESPN" attitude for some reason.

A few reminisces of Michael's career are here and here, with lots of memories coming from former interns and underlings who cut their teeth under his watch at WRC. Reading those brought back memories for me of my time in sports television in the intern ranks. Fun times.

The show has been gone for over two years now, but the real sports fans out there haven't forgotten the Sports Machine. For one final time: here's a look at the opening of the George Michael Sports Machine. RIP George Michael. And that is all for now.

JAMES CAMERON IS KING OF THE WORLD! KING OF THE WORLD, I'LL TELL YA!


Merry Christmas, James Cameron! And Happy New Year. Avatar knocks off Sherlock Holmes to win the most amazing, busiest, boffo weekend ever in box office history. That's two weeks in a row on top for Avatar. Read it all at the Reject Report.

Unfortunately, I missed the whole movie weekend because I was stuck in an airport in Las Vegas. Such is life.

IT'S OFFICIAL: THE GRINCH BELONGS TO AL-QAEDA

Well, in true "Festivus" fashion I am going to rant and rave now and air some grievances about some folks who insist on making the holiday season a true non-joy for people. I am talking, of course, about the terrorists, or in this case that one idiot in particular -- a Nigerian national who boarded that Northwest Airlines (Delta) flight in Amsterdam and tried to blow the plane up over Detroit. On Christmas Day, no less.

First, here's the CNN story about it all.  By the way, this was basically the only story on CNN even though it was old news by Saturday morning. I can understand wall-to-wall coverage on the day it happened, but it was really getting to be overkill by the time I checked out of my hotel in Las Vegas.

At this point, I'd like to give my own first-hand account of my experience flying out of Las Vegas back to Saskatoon.

What ended up happening was our flight ended up being delayed for over two hours because of all the beefed-up security going on. Personally, I had no problems with lineups at the actual airport itself, even though there was a lot more security present. The problem was there were all kinds of delays in getting flights to and from their destinations because of all the extra measures being taken.

Once the WestJet flight finally arrived and we got on board, we were in for some unpleasant surprises: the captain came out and apologized for the delay, and told us because of security reasons they weren't goiing to show the satellite TV. Well, great. No TV to watch for the entire flight to Saskatoon. Also, we were all required to sit in our seats for a full hour before the plane landed. There was much muttering and grumbling on the flight about all the havoc caused by this one individual who had tried to blow up a plane over Detroit.

Anyway, it wasn't all bad. Because we were delayed we were given free food vouchers to eat lunch at the Las Vegas airport. Fortunately, the place I went to had good chicken-noodle soup, so that was all right. Another positive was the fact that I was able to extend my stay in sunny Las Vegas for a little while longer, allowing me to play some of the slot machines at the McCarran International Airport and Casino -- as I call it.

What I find interesting about the airport is that it is literally right next to the Las Vegas strip. So when you land in Vegas you are right there at the centre of the action -- not way out in the boondocks as is the case at most metropolitan airports. They also had a neat display in the terminal saluting Bonanza Airlines, which used to be based out of Las Vegas but which disappeared as part of the many mergers and acquisitions that took hold in the American airline industry. The display showed off old Bonanza Airlines outfits, timetables, tickets and other memorabilia. So that passed the time while waiting for WestJet to arrive.  

All in all, it was a remarkably stress-free trip, except maybe for the tail end of it. But what can you do but put up with it, eh? Otherwise, these terrorists win.   

Here's a link to the story about all the flight delays and chaos caused by this one idiot. Also, here is a story on what was going on at the Las Vegas airport where I had to put up with delays, although, as I said before, the delays had more to do with flights and less to do with lineups at the airport.

I'm very happy that this terrorist plot was so totally botched up and this Nigerian is now in the slammer. All I have to say to him is simply this: Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!

Monday, December 21, 2009

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! HO! HO! HO!

THE CAIRNS BLOG is taking a well-deserved rest this Holiday season. See you again around Sunday or so when I expect to be putting up the latest box-office numbers for Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and last must not least, Happy Festivus!


WINTER NEWS FROM NOWHERE: BLIZZARD OF '09, AND THE PASSING OF BRITTANY MURPHY

Welcome to what is a frosty and even melancholy News from Nowhere for this week, marking the very first week of Winter. It's funny, because it sure FELT like winter here the past few weeks, particularly in the Northeast with those storms the other day.

The good news for me is that apart from a morning shift at work tomorrow, my time off has started! So don't expect too many posts from me this week.
Second, and this is just stunning news for movie fans of Clueless and other flicks:  Brittany Murphy is dead!!!! Unbelievable.
And Tiger Woods has fled to the Bahamas.

Uh, that is it for now.

Friday, December 18, 2009

CHARLIE GIBSON HAS SIGNED OFF

His last World News was tonight. Another TV era ends: the Diane Sawyer era awaits. Here's what TV Newser had to say about it.

Watch his final moments on tonight's newscast here. And that is all for now.

TIME TO GET RID OF TIGER, ELIN

Word is out that Elin Nordegren Woods may have finally moved out and may indeed be divorcing her hilarious husband, Tiger Woods, what with all his ten or eleven mistresses or how many the heck it is.

Some people are glad to hear this divorce might actually be happening. A lot of people are fed up hearing these stories about these wives who stick it out with their cad husbands through thick and thin. Whatever happened to the idea of retribution? Some of these clowns these women are married to richly deserve a divorce; meanwhile a lot of other marriages have collapsed over far more trivial matters. I'm not a believer in rushing to divorce at the first sign of trouble, but when your man has multiple mistresses going on and tells one of them that the marriage is a sham and just for publicity purposes, then that's a far different story. It's high time these women showed some self-respect and got their courage up to show these guys the door.

It sure looks to me like Elin is fed up with the tabloid headlines and the craziness that is her marriage. There are reports flying she has some California lawyer looking to do a prenup-busting California-style 50-50 divorce, which would make her rich. Frankly, I wouldn't blame her for leaving. In fact, I think a lot of guys want to see her send Tiger to the cleaners. If there is one thing guys do NOT understand, it is why Tiger would cheat on Elin of all people to begin with. Besides, this is one more role model athlete who we built up, only to see him let the fans down with his own misbehavior. We sports fans look like fools for following sports and sports figures, again.

In honor of Tiger and his crumbling marriage I thought I would post this video from the group Steam -- fitting, because it's played at so many sporting events to serenade losing teams. You might call this song Elin's final serenade to Tiger. Sha na na na, na na na na, hey hey  hey, good bye!!!

AVATAR IS HERE

James Cameron's big-budget big-screen gamble (according to some doubters) is finally here and my thoughts on its box office prospects can be found right here, at this week's REJECT REPORT.

THE AMAZING JAIME EDMONDSON MAKES GUYS' HEARTS RACE

THE CAIRNS BLOG resumes our live coverage of girls with some news about gorgeous reality TV star and all-around hot babe Jaime Edmondson.

Jaime, of course, is a former Miami Dolphins cheerleader who, together with her Dolphins cheerleader pal Cara Rosenthal, competed in season 14 of The Amazing Race. On the show, Jaime established herself as the "villain" of the season with her snarky remarks about just about everywhere she travelled.

Well, the sexy redhead caught the attention of the folks over at Playboy, who were taken by the statuesque, athletic, long-haired Floridian. As a result Jaime is now Playboy's Miss January 2010. Way to go, Jaime! (Photo credit: Playboy.)
As a result of her Playmate gig, Jaime's ended up on yet another reality TV show: the new season of The Girls Next Door starring the three new girlfriends. I thought Jaime really stood out in her cameo on the show compared to the other Playmates. The other Playmates were definitely fun and adorable girls, but Jaime was a woman. She just seemed so confident and mature. I think the fact that she's a little older than the average Playmate really sets her apart in the way she carries herself. I also love the fact that she's that rare combination: an NFL cheerleader who's a Playmate!

She may not be done with reality TV yet: word is she wants to compete on Survivor. We'll see. Maybe she'll eventually compete on The Celebrity Apprentice, which like Survivor has a long history of featuring beautiful Playboy women as contestants on the show..

I am going to link you to a couple of articles about Jaime here and here. Also, here's a YouTube clip I found of Jaime when she was shooting the Miami Dolphins swimsuit calendar. The audio is a little out of synch, but the video is definitely fun to look at. If she looked this good when she did her big Playmate shoot for the centerfold, she'll have nothing to worry about. Enjoy, guys!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

THE WEATHER IS IMPROVING

However, the workload is NOT. The good news is that by tomorrow night, I expect I might finally have a life again. Or I may not.  Tomorrow promises to be busy, too.

Until tomorrow, or whenever I have free time to post here again --- I just want to wish you a Happy Festivus!

Monday, December 14, 2009

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY THIS WEEK

Don't expect much from me this week. Oh, I'll try to show up here at the CAIRNS BLOG, but I have a lot on my plate. Tonight, I will be covering what is expected to be a very long and busy city council meeting. Tuesday I am covering the Chamber of Commerce, on Wednesday evening I am covering a big drive for toys for those who need them, and Thursday I'll be preoccupied, too, touring a city facility. Plus, I need to finish off what is left of my Christmas shopping, and sneak in both a Reject Report preview of Avatar as well as a blog entry for the News-Optimist blog. Is there going to be any time left over to show my face here??? I doubt it highly.

And since it is absolutely freezing outside, I also plan to be very, very cold. Global warming, my foot.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

MERRY CHRISTMAS, JENNY MCCARTHY!

Jenny McCarthy gave me my big excuse to put up yet another "smoking hot babe" picture on the blog. Her Christmas-themed Santa Baby 2 aired on TV in the USA tonight. It's the sequel to the hit original Santa Baby, where she played Santa's hot-looking daughter. I gotta say, if I were a kid watching Santa Baby, I'd end up with such a big crush on Jenny McCarthy -- I'd be dreaming about her for days. Heck, here I am all grown up, and I still feel that way about this goofy, gorgeous woman.

Hey, I needed to do something to heat things up around here, because it is FREEZING where I am.

HOGAN'S HEROES IS, OFFICIALLY, ANCIENT TELEVISION

While I could clutter up this blog with my further thoughts (like everyone else) about the ongoing marital troubles of Tiger Woods with his eleven-or-so mistresses, I finally said to heck with that. Instead, I am basically rerunning here an identical post that I put up over at the News-Optimist site here at THE CAIRNS BLOG, mainly because I wanted to fill space here on a Sunday night.

I scoured YouTube for this video you are about to see. It’s the opening to the classic sitcom Hogan’s Heroes, and it’s in response to the  issue that popped up last week at the newspaper about the need to inform our younger generations of the importance of classic sitcoms and classic pop culture. There was some editorial which used a reference from Hogan's Heroes which ran in the paper, and it went right over the head of our resident sports guy, who isn't that old and has no idea what the heck Hogan's Heroes is. For all we know, maybe he thinks the show had something to do with Hulk Hogan. Uh, no.

Bottom line is the sports guy has no idea what Hogan's Heroes was or who Bob Crane was. Heck, our younger generations probably have no idea who Jackie Gleason or Ed Sullivan were, let alone classic TV. They think of Get Smart and Star Trek as movies, not TV shows.  Not only are our younger people missing out on the significance of the two Darrens on Bewitched (both of whom were played by two guys with the name Dick, by the way), but they are losing touch with the difference between the William Frawley and William Demarest eras on My Three Sons, not to mention the Vivian Vance and Gale Gordon eras of The Lucy Show. Or, not to be outdone, the Suzanne Somers and Priscilla Barnes eras on Three’s Company. (What, you forgot about Priscilla Barnes?!)

Seriously, Three’s Company is rapidly becoming ancient history, too. The Eighties may not seem like such a long time ago, but to the young people it sure is — especially when you consider how many cast members on Three’s Company have, ahem, passed away (John Ritter, Don Knotts, both Ropers). Depressing.

Anyway, the bottom line is we definitely need to preserve our history. Especially our pop-culture history.(Expect a post from me about how TV was better in the old days, soon. Not so much “reality TV” on the tube back then. )

PRINCESS AND THE FROG MAKES $25 MILLION FOR WEEKEND

Read it here.

Friday, December 11, 2009

THE CALM BEFORE THE BOX OFFICE STORM


Well, next week is when Avatar rolls out, and the early word is that James Cameron's ultra-expensive 3D masterpiece is, indeed, going to be a masterpiece. Well, it better be, it cost something like $500 million bucks to make! I am expecting some big bucks for this movie over the next several weekends, just to pay off all its bills.

This week, though, we have The Princess and the Frog and Invictus rolling out in wide release. Fun stuff. Enjoy the preview of this weekend's box office: my Reject Report column is up.

TIGER IS TAKING A BREAK FROM GOLF

--- in order to save his marriage.

Wait a minute. Instead of taking a break from golf, shouldn't Tiger Woods be taking a break from women?! Golf is the least of his problems. You would think playing golf on the links would keep him out of trouble. Or maybe all this golfing is what caused all the womanizing to begin with, with all the millions he made to wine and dine women and so forth..

Whatever. Anyway, Tiger is saying he's done with golf for the indefinite future. As for me, I am done with Tiger. This seems a perfect jumping off point to move on to some other topic, because this blog is starting to look like TMZ.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

GATORADE GETS RID OF TIGER

WHEN IS ELIN GOING TO GET RID OF HIM, TOO?

Another day, another news cycle wasted on Tiger Woods.

How many mistresses is it now? Eleven? Twelve? Or maybe they're counting the same person twice and the total is still stuck at ten? In any event, it's still a lot of women, and the mistress total includes not just one but two porn stars, now.
.
How bad has it gotten for Tiger? Really bad, folks -- so bad that the rumors are hitting the tabloids about all kinds of terrible things involving him. For one thing, there are now rumors of a love child. Worse yet, there are even rumors of a sex tape involving Tiger that has ended up in the hands of the folks over at Playgirl. Holy freaking cow, now that is beyond pathetic if true. Apparently, Playgirl is checking the video over for authenticity before they put it up.

The sponsors are quick to distance themselves from this train wreck. Gatorade has jumped ship on Tiger.

And the rumors are flying about whether Mrs. Tiger Woods will also jump ship on Tiger and finally get a divorce. We've learned she has obtained some new house, so maybe she will actually get rid of this clod for good.

Oh, and to top off this week from hell for the missus, the mother-in-law collapsed with stomach pains the other day, adding to this ridiculous soap opera that never ends.  If I were Elin, I'd get rid of this guy pronto. But too many women seem to stay in these lousy marriages with these cheating celebrity husbands.

I think that's all for now. Don't worry, I expect there will be more tomorrow. No doubt.

Monday, December 07, 2009

SO MANY WOMEN, SO LITTLE TIME

Welcome back to our live continuing coverage of the train wreck that is golfer Don Juan, uh, I mean Tiger Woods. His pathetic love life continues to eat up the news cycle, alongside all those stories about the non-environmentalists being so upset about the "global warming fraud" being perpetuated on the public up in Copenhagen.

When we last left off we were still counting the number of mistresses who were coming out of the woodwork. Well, according to the latest reports it is now ten mistresses and counting for Tiger Woods. One of them is claiming Tiger told her that his big marriage was all a fraud and a publicity stunt to boost his image. Another of the alleged mistresses is, get this, a porn star (!!!).
Well, now we know why Tiger hasn't won more tournaments, then. Too much of this running around. I guess all these women are coming forward now in hopes of cashing in and getting payouts from Tiger to hush up. I don't even know whether all these women are for real about their claims, though I'm sure most of them are telling the truth about this big phony goody-goody Tiger Woods. I mean really, Tiger -- if you're going to be a lothario, at least be honest and open about it.
I have a question. Has Paris Hilton ever had this kind of a love life, running around with guys? I highly doubt it. I think we owe Paris a big apology -- same for Carrie Prejean, Sarah Palin and these other folks who have been raked over the coals in the press lately for their antics. They all look like model citizens compared to Tiger Woods today. Tiger's antics take the cake.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

BCS MATCHUPS HAVE BEEN ANNOUNCED

One of the good ways to get over a devastating football defeat for your team (in my case, the 'Riders) is to tune in to other big football games and see other teams lose in humiliating fashion (ie. Pitt losing 45-44 to Cincinnati for the Big East title on a blown extra point). It makes you feel good that, as a fan, you do not have to suffer alone.

With that, here are the bowl matchups for the 2009-2010 bowl season and here are the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) matchups, including Alabama vs. Texas in a matchup of top-ranked unbeatens.

I will not go into a rant here about how messed-up I think the BCS is -- everyone realizes it is a total mess, anyway. Canadian football fans are beyond confused by the BCS and the way teams are picked for it, with these ridiculous computer rankings and so forth. I was mentioning the BCS to a casual sports fan the other night here in frozen Canada, and he didn't even understand how it works. It's just too complicated for us Canadians, who are used to having playoffs in every sport. In our country, common sense prevails when it comes to deciding champions. Why can't they do the same in the USA with college football? Beats me.

As former Saints and Colts coach Jim Mora used to say: "PLAYOFFS?!?!?!" That's a foreign word to the people in the NCAA.

NOTHING BUT NFL GAMES TO WORRY ABOUT NOW

You know, the best part about December is the fact that on Sunday afternoons, the NFL is the only thing to worry about.

There's no more CFL action to get the attention of Canadian fans, so we aren't being distracted by that. Also, the NASCAR season is done -- they had their awards banquet on Friday in Vegas -- so there is no auto racing to worry about either until February, after the NFL is over.

As well, another Sunday distraction, the MLS season, is also over. But soccer is far from over: in fact, they had the World Cup draw on Friday. I guess there are still soccer games going on in the rest of the world today, in Europe, but due to the time zone differences most of the big games are over before the NFL comes on anyway.

This is all good. It means now I can focus my total rapt attention on the NATIONAL Football League in peace and quiet on Sunday afternoons, without any distractions.

Uh, wait a minute. Come to think of it, there are still plenty of distractions...

Darned cheerleaders.

Speaking of distractions: I need to run off, now. I must go cover a hockey game. I guess word hasn't gotten to them yet that Sundays in December belong to the National Football League.

Friday, December 04, 2009

WE HAVE A HEAVILY ARMORED REJECT REPORT THIS WEEK

You can read it here. Actually, it looks like a pretty dull weekend is in store overall -- and not just at theaters. Even the TV and the news stories you read are boring. Life is dull, period.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

MRS. TIGER WOODS: LUCKIEST JILTED WIFE EVER

STANDS TO GET FILTHY RICH

I'm sorry, but I can't wean myself from this embarrassing Tiger Woods cheating nonsense. I just find it really odd that so many of these big celebrities are cheating on their wives these days. Among other things, it's a good way to part with your money, as Tiger is rapidly finding out.

I gotta say, I don't feel too sorry for Elin Nordegren, the wife of Tiger Woods. Her husband may be a cad and a cheat, but there are advantages to being married to a cad and a cheat -- especially if he's filthy rich. Apparently the great Tiger has been paying everyone off for their silence. The latest rumor out there is that he's reworked the prenup with his angry wife so that she gets something like $60 million to stay in the marriage. I guess this is being offered so that he doesn't have to give $300 million to Elin in the divorce settlement, a real possibility right now.

In other news, it appears that Rachel Uchitel really was the woman who was the reason for the family fight the other night, as Elin found text messages between her and Tiger and supposedly reportedly freaked out over them. 

And Jesper Parnevik, who only set the happy married couple up, has been trashing Tiger, too, saying he's not the man he thought he was. Is he ever right. Obviously Parnevik needs to quit the matchmaking business and stick to golf, he's obviously better at that.

Here is my dumb question. Why the heck is Tiger Woods cheating on Elin to begin with? Forget the fact that it's a good way to lose your money in a divorce. Just look at her, she's a hot Swedish babe! And yet she isn't enough for this guy? What the heck is the deal, here?!

Is Tiger crazy? I guess so -- crazy about women.

BILLS AND JETS DUKE IT OUT IN TORONTO

Well, the NFL is back for another game in Toronto and no one really cares.
Why should they?! It's the mediocre New York Jets and the stinking bad Buffalo Bills, and based on this report in Buffalo there's not much in the way of excitement for this game in Toronto. They don't even allow much tailgating at the Rogers Centre, either. And yet the ticket prices are even worse in Toronto than they are everywhere else in the NATIONAL Football League. Not only are you better off financially just driving across the border to Buffalo -- you'll probably have a better time.

I think there's a larger reason for the apparent lack of excitement. I think people in Toronto are just totally jaded about sports. So many of the pro teams in Toronto -- all of them, actually -- are losers who don't get in the playoffs. And the Bills, who host this whole Bills-in-Toronto series, are just one more losing team to go along with the rest of them in Losertown, Ontario.

ROGER EBERT AND THE STATE OF AFFAIRS WITH TV FILM CRITICISM

Today, I link you up to this article I wrote for the News-Optimist blog, which in turn links to a post Roger Ebert wrote on his blog about what's been going on behind the scenes at the TV show that he used to co-host, first with Gene Siskel and then with Richard Roeper. A small sample of what I wrote:
"Basically Ebert was updating everyone as to what was going on with the show and the people who used to be on it. He had plans to be involved with some new show with Roeper and with Christy Lemire (of the AP) which kind of fell apart. Apparently Roeper is going to be doing online reviews now and also some stuff for the Starz cable network in the States, and Ebert is still doing his print reviews for the Sun-Times. But I guess the main piece of news that came out of Ebert’s column was about what happened with the old classic set that Roeper and Ebert used to use — the famous “movie theater balcony” set. Apparently it was all ripped down and thrown in the trash. Just like that. Imagine, a famous set that people used to see on TV, and it’s simply thrown away."

For his part, Roeper's revamped site can be found at www.richardroeper.com.

Stay tuned as I write another Reject Report soon on this weekend's slim new offerings at the theaters.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

MORE UNBELIEVABLE NEWS FROM NOWHERE

Wow, what unbelieveable news we have for you in News from Nowhere. Like I have said, the world has gone crazy. Tiger Woods has become a cheating cad, Meredith Baxter has decided she prefers girls, you have party crashers at the White House, you have peace-loving Barack Obama sending in the troops, and in general the world has become unglued. And I'm not even going to talk about that debacle of a Grey Cup game, which the Riders lost in both heartbreaking and humbling fashion in front of a record TV audience. Really, what is the world coming to?

I'm blaming it all on Oprah. She should never have quit. Anyway, I am putting up here more weird news in an effort to kill some time.

First, there's the strange sad story of the former Miss Argentina who died after plastic surgery was performed on her butt. What a way to go.

President Barack Obama was on TV last night and it did not go too well, apparently. People thought it was insincere and just the usual politics; the bloom is definitely off the rose now. Here is what Der Spiegel had to say. 

I can't believe the number of people coming out of the woodwork who claim that climate change is a fraud.

It's still sad times in the news business. The Washington Times is firing hundreds of people and also cutting back is the Miami Herald. But here's some welcome good news for entertainment reporters: the LA Times is hiring in the entertainment section. I guess people are needed for the live continuing coverage of celebrities cheating on their spouses.

Cable TV ratings -- ever since Lou Dobbs left CNN, Anderson Cooper's ratings have gone head-first into the toilet.

And speaking of TV networks in the toilet, Comcast is about to take over NBC-Universal.

Did I mention that the snow is falling where I am and it's finally getting cold? Winter is upon us, finally. That is all for now.

TIGER'S TAIL IS DEFINITELY IN BETWEEN HIS LEGS

Tiger Woods has issued his apology. "I Let my Family Down," he says.

Word is now out about the other woman who was in on the affair. Her name: Jaimee Grubbs. And apparently the missus found out who the other woman was and called her on the phone to rat her out.

And I might as well just give you a link to TMZ if you want to keep following this story. I mean, what is the world coming to?! The world is coming unglued all at the same time!!

KEELEY HAZELL LIKES THE ANIMALS

I don't often do this, but I need cheering up this week and I thought this picture was soooo cute, so I'm putting it up. Besides, everyone else is putting it up, so I might as well.

As you know People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals like to shake things up with its controversial ad campaign featuring female celebrities getting naked in defence of the animals. This one is a controversial PETA ad featuring one of my all-time favorite British pin-up goddesses, Keeley Hazell, stripping for PETA and covering up herself by holding a stuffed tiger (NSFW link). Luckiest feline ever -- a lot luckier than another "Tiger" we know of:


This photo of underdressed Keeley has been making the rounds on these celebrity-gossip sites that like to publish this sort of thing -- and so far it's a big hit with the public, especially among her fans. Man, my heart melts when I see this girl. This photo, my friends, tells you all you need to know about why guys worship Keeley Hazell -- it's because she really knows how to be both sexy and adorable at the same time.

All I have to say is that the animals are lucky to have her on their side. Keeley scores a 10.

WOW, I DIDN'T SEE THIS ONE COMING

MEREDITH BAXTER GIVES UP ON GUYS

You know, 2009 has got to go down in history as the year for unbelievable news. This has been the year for news stories straight out of left field that you never thought you'd see, ever. Like all this Tiger Woods nonsense, for example. And how about this latest hot one: 


Meredith Baxter, the woman who played the squeaky-clean mom of Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties, is a lesbian. 

Let me repeat that, so that it may sink in. Meredith Baxter is a lesbian. She outed herself after a fun, rambunctious lesbian vacation on a cruise ship with hundreds of other ladies. AND to top it off, she's in a relationship with another woman. 

Wow. This is further proof the Apocalypse is around the corner, folks -- the people with the wholesome images and reputations are revealing themselves to be, uh, human? Not what we thought they were?! First Tiger Woods is outed as a cad who cheats on his wife, and now Meredith Baxter outs herself. Think about it - this isn't Ellen or Rosie we're talking about. Wrap your head around the thought that sweet, wholesome, straight-laced Meredith Baxter likes romancing the ladies.

Oh. My. God!! (I know, there's nothing wrong with it, but still -- it's Meredith Baxter. It's as if your own mom is announcing she's gay.) 

It's almost as if the former management at Weekly World News has taken over every news organization out there -- with yet another unbelievable news story like this one. And this comes after Tiger's meltdown, and after Oprah Winfrey quits her own show, and all these other stories. What could possibly top this? President Obama leaving his wife Michelle for another woman -- or, good heavens, another man?!

If you think that's beyond belief, keep in mind nobody thought we'd have a black man in the White House to begin with. Really, no news can shock me now.

Oh, and as an aside -- Michael Jackson is, indeed, still dead.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

TIGER GETS A FINE, BUT HIS TROUBLES ARE FAR FROM OVER

Well, the police have given Tiger Woods a citation for careless driving, which means he gets a fine and four demerit points for his crashing-into-fire-hydrant antics in the middle of the night.

I'm sure there will be people, though, who will be frothing at the mouth. they will claim Tiger was let off easy because he is a celebrity and that the police should have arrested him and thrown him in jail. It never fails.

Also, there's even more stories out there about Tiger cheating on his wife. I don't even know whether to believe them or not. His alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel is still in total denial mode, claiming she didn't have an affair with Tiger. Meanwhile, people are claiming Tiger has an obligation to "come clean" and tell the whole story about what happened that fateful night -- as if we're all entitled to know.

Like heck does he have an obligation! He's not some public official, he's a golfer! If he wants to keep quiet and try and keep himself away from these wild animals who make up the US press corps, that's his business. Anyway, I'm starting to get tired of all these Tiger Woods stories swirling out there -- I beginning to wonder if they are even true, because it seems like there's a lot of speculation out there and not enough hard facts. Let the man deal with his own demons without any further help from the rest of us.

GOOD GRIEF! PRESIDENT OBAMA IS BACK ON TV YET AGAIN

Welcome to chilly December at THE CAIRNS BLOG. Tonight, we present to you another episode of THE BARACK OBAMA SHOW.

Yes, that's right, our favorite Television President is back on TV preempting your favorite shows, this time for a good reason: so he can announce a troop buildup to 30,000 in Afghanistan. Well, I sure hope this works, otherwise Obama could end up being the LBJ of our generation.

Speaking of which, Obama's TV appearance tonight pre-empts a certain TV special produced in the LBJ era. That's right: It's A Charlie Brown Christmas getting pre-empted!! The fabled cartoon has been delayed to next week!!!

All together now: GOOD GRIEF!