Friday, March 23, 2007


Well, it is going to be a big night for fans of gorgeous babes, as the Miss USA pageant goes tonight. That's right, Tara Conner (pictured) has actually made it through her reign in one piece without having to resign or be fired. Thank God.

Ratings are expected to be big, thanks to the recent controversies surrounding Conner's comical, alcohol-filled reign as Miss USA. There's only one tiny problem. Some total idiot scheduled tonight's NBC telecast (9PM EST, 8 Central) opposite NCAA Sweet 16 March Madness basketball on the other channel, CBS.

I know lots of feminists and other boring people criticize beauty contests and call them sexist, but in fact very few guys will be tuning in to this babe-fest tonight. Instead of staring at bikini-clad girls, males across America will instead be riveted to the screens watching tall black guys (and white guys, too) shoot hoops on TV. I know this sounds strange, but it's the truth. Basketball is going to kill Miss USA in the ratings tonight. Way to go, Donald Trump. Someone ought to be fired for that.

Get a load of the judges tonight. Jerry Springer will be a judge tonight! Also, Lakers owner Jerry Buss will be there judging, which is strange-- wouldn't he rather be at home watching basketball on TV?! Giuliana de Pandi of the E! channel will be judging and no doubt her man Bill Rancic put in a good word for her and got some strings pulled to get her on the panel. Nancy O'Dell will be there hosting again.

Me, I'll probably watch the pageant and see who wins, in between hoops. I've watched the Miss USA pageant forever so I might as well. And check out the special coverage over at Global, the site that follows these beauty pageants worldwide.

I've been thinking about who my favorite Miss USA of all time is. Of course I've found Tara Conner to be lovable and amusing and a great source of material for my blog. And she is a great source of embarrassment for Donald Trump so I like her for that reason as well. But there are a couple of women who are probably ahead of her as my personal favorites and I can't decide which one I like better.

There's Shanna Moakler, who went on to become an actress and got booted off Dancing With the Stars, and these days is in the tabloids again because of her romance with Travis Barker. Apparently those two are back together again. And she's really popular with guys thanks to her Playmate of the Month stint, which was bound to get the Miss USA officials all wound in a knot. Anyway, I like Shanna a lot, she comes across as being absolutely a fun individual. But she didn't actually win the pageant. She was first-runner-up and only took the Miss USA crown when the winner went on to win Miss Universe. Shanna really lucked out.


So I guess of the actual Miss USAs who actually won the pageant in the first place, that leaves Laura Elena Harring (pictured) as my favorite. She was the first of a string of five winners in a row from the state of Texas in the eighties, and you can watch a clip of her winning the title here. And here is her website.

I just think she's a hottie, and about as close as this pageant has ever come to having a real princess as its winner. Just feast your eyes on this lady: she just has "star" written all over her. I notice she's had quite the love life, dating these rich guys (Paul Allen, etc.). And she once married a German count and became a countess. She actually became a countess.

Man, she is really out of my league. Out of most guys' leagues, actually. Too bad. In fact, I think Laura might be married now. Rats.

Also, I really like the fact that Laura's had some really scandalous movie roles that are bound to embarrass these uptight pageant officials. Not only did she go on to a good career in these horror movies as a famous naked movie actress ---well, famously naked in Mulholland Dr. anyway--- but she got to share some delicious on-screen kisses in that film with two terrific blonde actresses, Naomi Watts (pictured) and Melissa George.

Lucky girl.

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