Monday, February 26, 2007


Well, here is my wrapup of the Oscars from a guys' perspective, and as I say this whole broadcast was actually pretty boring.

I watched all the red carpet shows, but the fashion play-by-play was actually pretty annoying. And I tuned out at various points to catch a hockey game on the other channel and also the cartoons on FOX. It was a slow night, but the show did get interesting near the end so I did actually watch most of the Oscar show.

Anyway, here's a rundown of what went down last night from a guys' perspective.

(1) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest won for Best Visual Effects while Pan's Labyrinth took home a couple of awards. Honestly, a down year for special effects. I think Ahhnold's job in California has a lot to do with it. Budgets also got slashed.

(2) Fun Fact for guys about Best Actress winner Helen Mirren (The Queen): she is absolutely notorious for taking her clothes off in movies. She has been naked in films going all the way back to her "hot babe" days in the 60s and 70s. In fact I think she's done nude scenes in the majority of movies she's been in! So look out Greta Scacchi, Lena Olin and the rest of you famous naked movie actresses. There's hope for you yet.

Ironically, for her Oscar-winning role Helen kept her clothes on, for once; probably a good thing. The Queen would not have been amused otherwise.

The other fun news for guys is that Penelope Cruz has a hot-looking sister named Monica who is as stunningly beautiful as Penelope always is. (Is she single?)

(3) Ellen DeGeneres proved to be pure vanilla at the Oscars. Pretty average as far as hosts go, and utterly uncontroversial-- which when you think of it is a little surprising. Here's another fun fact for guys: Ellen is a lesbian. ("Yeah, we know already" you are saying.)

The problem wasn't so much that Ellen was no good. The problem was that the whole rest of the show was too long and not all that funny. The show opening montage was crucified for being boring, for instance. It was telling that the funniest guy on that stage last night was Jerry Seinfeld, of all people, ripping the theater-going experience during the presentation for Best Documentary Feature. He ripped the high prices and said it was his right to throw his junk on the floor!

Ha ha ha. That was about as big an endorsement of "television" that I saw all evening. Needless to say Seinfeld will never host the Oscars. He was the only guy who dared to be controversial up there- a big no-no with this crowd.

And where the hell was Borat?!

He could have been good for a few laughs, could have livened up the freaking place. Sacha Baron Cohen told the press that Borat was boycotting the Oscars. Well, no wonder this show wasn't funny.

(4) No big controversial political statements but a lot of mention of the environment. Gee, I wonder why.

Did you see how Leo DiCaprio was drooling over Al Gore during that big announcement that the Oscars had "gone green"? That bit where Gore started to make an "important announcement", only to be drowned out by the music, was pretty funny.

Other than that there was hardly any political stuff-- and if there was, quite frankly I would have been really turned off. I tune into entertainment shows to get away from all these idiots from the world of politics! I don't want to have to listen to more of their rants and raves.

(5) As you know it was a big night for mobsters everywhere, especially in Boston, with Martin Scorsese winning Best Director and The Departed winning Best Picture.

I wonder what they will do in Boston to celebrate this big win. They should close the town down again and look for more Aqua Teen packages.

And the revelation of the evening is that Clint Eastwood can translate Italian. I'm impressed.

(6) They didn't even bother to mention Anna Nicole Smith in that list of dead people that they ran (I guess they couldn't find the clip from the Naked Gun movie she was in)! But they did show Jack Palance doing one-handed push-ups, and finally got around to mentioning Don Knotts. Knotts actually kicked the bucket before last year's show and they forgot to mention him last year, so they figure better late than never.

Uh, that's it. Like I say, not much of a night from a guy's perspective.

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