Tuesday, January 30, 2007


I am looking around for a movie to go to so I can escape American Idol on TV. There seem to be a few good possibilities, but you have to be careful.

The movie that is currently running at the top of the box office charts right now is Epic Movie, and that flick takes the mickey right out of all the current hits at the theatres. You know, James Bond, Borat, that sort of thing.

And you want to know where it ranks with the folks at Rotten Tomatoes? Well, it gets a big fat zero percent.

Talk about terrible. The Dukes of Hazzard did better than that, the Pink Panther did better. The Razzie-award-nominated Basic Instinct 2 even did better! Zero percent takes a lot of effort.

I don't even know if this piece of junk was officially screened for reviewers--- very few people seemed to review this movie. Maybe they snuck into theatres, or paid their way to see it. If they did, it's obvious that they lost their money. Zero percent, and this for a movie that is on top of the box office.

You know, lots of people keep on griping about how nobody listens to film critics anymore or even cares what they have to say. Everyone keeps writing about how critics have declining influence and that the golden age of film criticism is over. People keep saying they don't like to be told what to think about a movie. There are even people who will make a point of seeing movies that critics rip to shreds, just to spite them!

Well, maybe people ought to listen to these film critics more often. Then they might stay clear of these junk movies that are playing at the cinemas! Hollywood would get the message not to make any more lousy movies, and we'll all be better off! The public would get to see better flicks!

But no, the boring people in middle America keep on refusing to heed the critics' warnings, and insist on giving their hard-earned money away to lousy movies. And then when the movie is awful they complain about it. Well, it's your own fault, folks.

It begs the question, of course: why do people bother to go to lousy movies that everyone gives a big fat zero percent rating to, while they spurn these other movies that might be better? Beats me. This isn't the first time, either, that a movie got a zero percent rating from Rotten Tomatoes and topped the box office; it's happened before. I forget the name of it, but one of these movies got a big zero last year, too, and the folks at Box Office Mojo reported that it finished in first place, too.

Maybe the masses would rather see downmarket entertainment. Or maybe they're all just plain stupid--- like the movies they are seeing.

UPDATE (Wednesday): Good news! Epic Movie is no longer at o%. Some reviewer just posted a positive review, so now Rotten Tomatoes rates this movie at... 3%.

Woo hoo!

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