Wednesday, December 27, 2006



Ever since the big announcement came down that FHM is shutting down its US edition (effective the March 2007 issue), I have been doing some digging about the state of these "lads mags" in North America. And a sad state it is.

I've seen the January issues of MAXIM and Stuff on the stands and all I will say is that these magazines are rail-thin. These magazines used to be packed with ads aimed at a younger audience. You know, video game ads, beer ads, the works. But the latest MAXIM only has 120 pages and the issue of Stuff is only about 108 or so. And there's hardly any ads in there.

From what I've read, though, in these trades, ad sales are supposed to be up for these magazines! Really? If the ad revenues truly are up, you could have fooled me. Even FHM has a thicker issue and that rag is going out of business! I'm convinced MAXIM and Stuff are in some trouble.

Moreover, these magazines seem to be going nowhere fast, content-wise. Stuff at least put a gorgeous hottie on the cover in Victoria Pratt (CANADIAN!!!!). Good move on their part; Victoria Pratt is hot, hot, hot! Only problem is that she's done these lads mags before, so who cares, but at least she's gorgeous. As for MAXIM, they put on the cover some B-list actress I never heard of, Lacey Chabert. Who the heck is she?! Who cares.

That's the problem with MAXIM. Nobody cares about their cover girls anymore, mainly because everyone else has been putting girls on their covers! It seems like Britney is on the cover of every magazine everywhere; same for Angelina and all these other actresses. In fact, MAXIM had Angelina on the cover last month. So what reason is there to buy MAXIM!? In the old days you used to rush to buy MAXIM to check out these movie starlets, and these girls you saw on your favorite TV shows on the WB! They may have been B-list actresses but they were hotties! Most important, these women were popular.

But the WB is out of business, the record industry has crashed, and these actresses are overexposed as it is nowadays. No one wants to see Britney Spears anymore --- everyone thinks she's a freak. So MAXIM has totally given up, serving up Lacey Chabert. And she's not even naked either, as usual, so why bother.


These guys at MAXIM aren't giving guys much reason to buy their rag these days. Neither is PLAYBOY, either, this month, serving up Pam Anderson for the zillionth time. I'm sure guys are drooling over her, too, not! What a waste of time. Really, who cares about Pam anymore either, except maybe for these animals she is saving.

Shows you how worried PLAYBOY is about MAXIM and FHM these days when they mail it in with an issue like that. This is not the magazine it used to be, folks! MAXIM could take down PLAYBOY easily if they would only make a decent effort--- and they haven't and won't. Not with these gutless "tease" pictorials they do all the time.

I'll say this about PLAYBOY. They may not be so hot these days, but at least they are still trying over there occasionally! I know everyone complains that the celebrities they get are too old and should have posed a decade ago, or they appeared on a stupid reality show and are not even B-listers, and where is Jessica Simpson or Jessica Alba, and bla bla bla. All the usual complaints. Still, these folks will make an attempt occasionally to show you some hot actress like Jaime Pressly or some WWE diva or somebody like that! And that's just enough to out-do MAXIM and stay in business, so that Hef and his girlfriends can keep throwing parties and spending money on things to do for their silly TV show! Last month they killed everyone with their big Cindy Margolis pictorial. Better late than never, I guess.

Next month, those guys over there at the Mansion intend to kill MAXIM again and show a woman who's extremely popular with guys: none other than Tricia Helfer! Yes, she of Battlestar Galactica and Canada's Next Top Model fame. Naked.

Well, she better be naked, or that magazine will be finished, too. Just like FHM and MAXIM are finished.


Another reason MAXIM is going down the drain has to do with the articles these days. For one thing, they did this big redesign and revamp to try and keep all their readers from defecting to other publications, but it kind of isn't working. The "new" MAXIM looks very little like the old "beer and babes" MAXIM. They are now running "serious" articles by respected writers, for a change!! They have been recruiting guys who write for VANITY FAIR in order to try and save that publication. The New York Post has this article that said that MAXIM was running the essay "A Life of Living Dangerously" by Vanity Fair columnist Christopher Hitchens in its pages. Wow, MAXIM has really moved up in the world. Or Hitchens has moved down! Whatever.

Now, I have a lot of respect for Vanity Fair, but this is ridiculous. MAXIM is not Vanity Fair. Copying them is the death of the magazine--- they've gone from being a distinctive publication in their own right to some pale copy of some other rag. Sure, they need to class the magazine up and get more readers, but this is no way to go. This is like Cosmo looking to MAXIM for ideas to get female readers!

You know what's coming, folks, they'll run a pictorial in MAXIM featuring Sienna Miller next. Or Scarlett Johansson. Heck, that's what Vanity Fair did, they ran pictorials featuring these two with their clothes off! Surely, that's what's next for MAXIM!

Believe you me-- if that ever happens that will be the day that MAXIM will truly be finished. If they aren't already.

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