Wednesday, November 22, 2006


The weekend box office race was a really hot one, but apparently some silly animated penguins with dancing feet beat out the new James Bond. Happy Feet finished Number One in the USA by a narrow margin over Casino Royale.

Yet Daniel Craig's new Bond movie is a huge hit in just about every other country in the world that it opened in, and smashed box office records in the U.K. for a Bond movie.

Why this big disparity? Why is it a huge hit everywhere but only Number 2 in America? One theory from me: Americans only go to movies that are good for the whole family! They don't want to see violent and sexy stuff, they only want to watch bland stuff that's good for kids. Kids dictate Hollywood! That's why these Americans went to Happy Feet.

The other reason is because Americans are too jingoistic and too into themselves to want to bother with some movie filled with foreigners. Have any of you seen Casino Royale?! Heck, this movie is loaded with Brits and British accents! This whole Bond cast is full of foreigners, and the gorgeous Bond girls are from France and Italy! To make things worse, it's set in all these foreign countries like Montenegro, the Bahamas--- places few Americans have ever set foot in. These are places that would freak out the average Amazing Race contestant- they wouldn't be able to find Montenegro on a map, they'd probably think it was in Africa or South America or somewhere like that!

No way Americans want to see that kind of movie, they'd rather see these PENGUINS with their American accents-- even if they are in Antarctica. At least you can find Antarctica on a map.

But I'm sure people in other countries would go see a movie involving the rest of the world. That's what struck me about Casino Royale, you didn't see much of America in that movie. But you did see the Canadian flag flying in one of the scenes in that movie. Nice going, eh?

I think there is a real disconnect evident here. It's clear to me now that American tastes in entertainment are blander and much more family-oriented than the tastes of people in the rest of the world, particularly Europe and Latin America. There, they want to see violence... and sex! That's why they'll go see a James Bond movie, because it delivers this stuff. It explains why Baywatch, a show loaded with buff people in bikinis, was such a huge hit worldwide but not so big in America- because it delivered on this escapist stuff.

But Americans don't care about big international movies; they don't want to see any sex or violence. They just want to watch cartoons all the time! They have to be dragged to the movie theaters by their kids!! What a country. Heck, Americans have made stars out of the blandest entertainers ever, boring goody-goody type people like Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears. They made hits out of boring shows like Dancing With the Stars and American Idol. And Happy Feet is just the latest in a long series of hit cartoon movies . These cartoons filled with all these electronic-graphics and special effects are a money train for the studios. An absolute money train.

That's why you get these boring movies served up by Hollywood all the time, it's all the Americans' fault. Blame the USA.

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