Saturday, June 24, 2006

SUMMER TV HAS GONE TO HELL

Well, well, well. It turns out that the Wednesday premiere of America's Got Talent on NBC was a hit. A huge hit, in fact. 12 million viewers, more than even the NBA Finals.

I should never underestimate the ability of Regis Philbin to save a television network. Or overestimate the ability of the American public to make a hit out of the worst programming imaginable. These are the same viewers that made hits out of cheap junk like Dancing with the Stars. Not to mention American Idol, we should never forget that.

You know, I can't blame these network television executives for putting on cheap dreck all the time if this is how the American viewers at home, in boring Middle America, are going to react. Look at some of the other shows on the air right now, all these reality shows. NBC is airing Treasure Hunters, which basically looks to me like a ripoff of The Amazing Race with these "teams" of people, like Geniuses, Ex-CIA, Miss USA and so on. There's no need for this show, but we're seeing it anyway, because people made a hit out of The Amazing Race.

ABC, on the other hand, has no excuse for putting on a piece of junk called How to Get the Guy. It features these four uptight women who claim to have had problems getting guys. Which is remarkable because they look like they should have no problems at all, these four. You know what, their problem is they have set their standards way too high. This show ought to be renamed How to Get the Hunk, because that's what they want. I also notice the show is set in San Francisco. Well, that explains it all right there, folks. If you four babes really want to get the guy, here's a suggestion for all of you: move out of San Francisco! Move to Houston or Chicago or somewhere like that. Why not San Jose, I'm sure there's a few lonely computer geeks there. But then you probably don't want a computer geek, either. What a joke.

Why this cheap show is on ABC beats me. It looks like a cable show that ought to run on TLC or somewhere like that. Anyway, this show is not for me, I'd rather see a show called How to Get the Girl.

Over on FOX, they are at it again with Hell's Kitchen, with chef Gordon Ramsay once again screaming at underlings at the top of his lungs all the time. Really, this guy has a total anger management problem. Ramsay is going to die of a massive stroke at a very early age from all of his yelling. Some of these folks should sue over the hostile work environment they have to endure, working for this lunatic. This guy is outright embarrassing. Yet enough people are watching to keep this second-rate Simon Cowell wannabe on TV.

Then you have the American Idol dance ripoff show So You Think You Can Dance back again. They got rid of host Lauren Sanchez and brought in this Brit named Cat Deeley. To which I go, WHY?! At least no one is getting yelled at by angry chefs on this show.

Big Brother is back with an all-star edition, featuring all these losers who got voted out of the house before. This time, though, America gets to vote. Again, nobody seems to like this show, there's no great clamor for this series to be on TV. But enough people watch to keep this boring piece of junk on the air. I guess Julie Chen needs the work.

You have Fear Factor back again (one of the worst shows of all time), and you have Janice Dickinson, who blighted America's Next Top Model, back with some new show called the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency which looks like a piece of junk, too. And then there's The One, coming soon, which looks like a total ripoff of American Idol and these shows which show people living together all the time. I'll tell you, these shows all make Game Show Marathon and its host Ricki Lake look good by comparison.

This makes me feel really sad that the NHL Stanley Cup Finals are over, and the NBA Finals, too. At least you had something to watch on TV that was semi-decent! Maybe this is the reason why major league baseball is still in business: because people have no choice but to watch baseball in the summer months, because there's nothing to watch on TV! Now, I know this is the junk programming season and all that, and that the best thing on TV right now is reruns of CSI. But can't they find something watchable to put on, at least? And can't the viewers at home, who say they hate seeing this dreck on the air, get up their courage to turn off the set when they see David Hasselhoff on their TV screens?! I mean, sure, some people will switch over to cable to watch new episodes of The Closer on TNT or Entourage on HBO. But it's not enough to get the networks' attention, not when you have plenty of people tuning in these cheap reality shows like Hell's Kitchen every week. Why can't the viewing public send these networks a message?! These networks are not just tapped out; they are embarrassing themselves with what they are putting on right now. But what else are they going to do? The people have spoken.

12 million viewers for America's Got Talent. Unbelievable. You know what's next for Canada, folks, we're gonna get a Canadian version of this piece of junk next, hosted by Rick Mercer. God help us all.

1 comment:

Dave said...

Because Cat Deeley is like a thousand times better, that's why. :)