Tuesday, June 28, 2005

MISS AMERICA PAGEANT HAS BEEN RESCUED!

Big news. You may have heard that Miss America got kicked off ABC and drummed off of network television, and that the whole pageant was in trouble and possibly would go out of business because it had no TV deal. Well, never fear, because it's been rescued.

Miss America has made a long-deal with Viacom which will put the pageant on CMT for January 2006 and January 2007. CMT!? That's that country-music video channel! They figure, from what I gather, that Miss America appeals to middle America and all these country-music fans, so that's why it supposedly makes sense to put it on CMT. CMT's beloved by the Red States, you know.

I don't know what other changes they have in store; I suppose we'll see once the pageant airs. But frankly I've never been a big fan of Miss America. I guess it used to be pretty exciting when they'd announce the winner and she'd walk down that runway in Atlantic City with the crown on her head, with Bert Parks singing and all the flashbulbs going off, but frankly that was the only part of the pageant that was any good. I've always preferred the Miss Universe pageant, because (a) the women are muchos better-looking, and (b) they don't bother with the stupid talent competitions or stupid rules that the Miss America Pageant has. Over the years the Miss America Pageant contestants had to wear the ugliest one-piece swimsuits imaginable, while also wearing high heels! And the talent competitions were pretty dumb as well, although lately they've improved. The low point was when they fired Vanessa Williams for posing for those photos that ended up in Penthouse. They should NEVER have fired Vanessa Williams! Vanessa was simply the greatest Miss America of all time- she had beauty, brains, and real talent, AND she was sexy! She was the total package; who cared that she was also African-American and making history, just by being Miss America! And these clowns went and CANNED her in mid-term! (I know, I know; she, uh, "resigned".) That tells you all you need to know about this phony competition. It's small-town America's idea of what the perfect woman ought to be and frankly, I think they're pretty clueless.

The latest piece of phoniness from the Miss America organization is that they force these contestants to run on a platform or something and all I got to say about that is these women are better off advancing their issues by running for President or something. That's yet another reason why I don't take this pageant seriously anymore. I'm sure these are all terrific women, and I hope they all put to good use all that scholarship money they get out of this, but this pageant sucks.

See, this is another example of me being out of touch with the Red States, even though I used to live right next door to one (North Dakota). The Red States love their NASCAR, their country and western music, and their Miss America. And they don't want to see MAXIM or FHM in their Wal-Marts, don't want to see any of that filth from Hollywood, and they go to church every Sunday. Culturally, I've got nothing in common with them. I guess that makes me a Blue-State Conservative-type person, but I sure as heck ain't sounding like much of a conservative today.

CMT can have the Miss America Pageant as far as I'm concerned.

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