Sunday, June 12, 2005

ALL WASHED UP: TYSON AND VILLENEUVE SHOULD BOTH QUIT

This has turned into the Weekend of the Washed-Up Athlete.

Last night I had a chance to see yet another Mike Tyson fight, if I wanted to. I could have tuned in to see Tyson's comeback.

And I said to heck with it! I knew Tyson's track record: every fight Tyson's been in for the past two decades has ended up being a travesty. Either he would knock his opponent out in the first round or bite the guy's ear off, or otherwise turn the fight into a freak show.

I had no interest in wasting my time watching yet another bizarre Mike Tyson performance. So instead of watching Tyson attempt to fight Kevin McBride, I went to a nice air-conditioned movie theatre in sweltering Toronto to see Brad and Angelina fight in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Let me tell you something, that movie is going to be one huge hit. There was a big lineup at the theatre of people, all wanting in just to see the flick that was rumored to have busted up Jennifer Aniston's marriage.

This is a perfect movie for fans of spy flicks and I heavily recommend it to people who like James Bond movies and stuff. Plenty of violence. Someone put Angelina Jolie into a Bond movie. Please.

Anyway after the movie I came home and found out that, well, I didn't miss much with Tyson. His fight was another horror show and Tyson announced that he was going to retire from boxing after he failed to answer the bell for round 7. Thank GOD.

Apparently you really can "thank God" for Tyson's decision to retire because he says he is going to become a missionary! Wow, I didn't know he had gotten religion. And actually I find it odd that a convicted rapist now wants to be a missionary. Well, if it keeps him out of the ring, that's GOOD. All boxing fans should rejoice that Tyson is going to retire. I hope he never comes back to the ring, his career is FINISHED.

Unfortunately one man whose career is not yet finished, yet still dead on its feet, is Jacques Villeneuve, whose big homecoming to the Canadian Grand Prix has been a royal flop. The other day F1 boss Bernie Ecclestone trashed Villeneuve, saying Villeneuve has "lost his motivation". Well, what do you expect him to say. Jacques is taking the money and running by driving for Sauber. He'll never win a thing with their crummy cars. If he really was motivated to win he'd drive for someone else. But he isn't. Jacques is just another hired gun... just like Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

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