Monday, January 10, 2005

BACHELORETTE IS ON

There's no Monday Night Football on tonight, because the regular season's over. So instead, we get to watch Jennifer Schefft, the adorable Bachelorette, pick her guy. So needless to say, I am not happy. I want my football back!!

The Bachelor/ette is one of the better reality shows out there (which isn't saying much) but boy, as a man, I must say, you need a strong stomach to watch this show. It's so sappy, eh?! The problem with the Bachelorette show is that they always pick some adorable, syrupy Bachelorette who is really some female's idea of what the perfect woman ought to be for these guys. I mean, Jen is adorable. And Trista was adorable too, so she picked as her soul mate the equally sappy animal-loving Ryan! Aaaargh!!

See, this is why a lot of guys can't bear to watch this show. I mean, Jen would be a great catch for someone, but calling her the ultimate woman, the ultimate catch, is a bit of a stretch. What a lot of guys really want is someone who is a little hotter, a little bit more self-confident, and a little bit more adventurous and dangerous. Could you ever imagine Pam Anderson as the Bachelorette, or Angie Everhart, or Jennifer Lopez (pictured wearing hotpants- she is so cute!!), or even Brooke Burke (left)? Guys drool over these women, but you'll never see them on any of these Bachelor shows.


They'd give Julia Roberts a shot before Brooke Burke ever becomes the Bachelorette. They'd also probably even give Jennifer Aniston a shot, since lots of women are obsessed with her. Maybe now that she's back on the market, they'll make HER The Bachelorette.

Come to think of it, would Jennifer Aniston, or Pam Anderson or Angie Everhart or any of them really want any of these boring chumps that they are serving up for this Bachelorette show as potential husband material? These women are known for dating bad boy types, rockers and actors and movie directors and other bigshots. Pam hangs out with hard rockers all the time, and I know that Angie Everhart once dated Howard Stern. Yes, the Howard Stern, the Shock Jock. Now, can you imagine Howard Stern on the Bachelorette? Or better yet, as the Bachelor?! If he were ever on The Bachelor the women would probably all refuse their roses in disgust.

Like I say, you'd see Julia Roberts (!!!) or Jennifer Aniston or Nicole Kidman as the Bachelorette before you'd see any real desirable women on the show, ones that most guys would drool over and kill for. But you know, I could see someone like Penelope Cruz (right) making the cut as a Bachelorette, or the delightful Jennifer Garner. Lots of real guys would drool over them; they are adorable and hot. But again, would Jennifer Garner want any of these guys on the show? No, she'd rather have Ben Affleck.

Another thing is that most of us males just can't relate to any of these pathetic, ahem, "meterosexual" guys on this show, in their suits and stuff. You'd think most guys are into GQ fashions! Yecch! Can't they find some real guys so the rest of us great unwashed can have a hope of bagging a lady like Jen or Trista or whomever? Well, I guess there's no hope for us guys. We should all give up and try out for Average Joe (if it's still on)! See, this is the problem with The Bachelorette show: we can't relate to the bachelors or the bachelorette!

The other problem with this show is that the poor Bachelor/ette finally picks their soul mate, and ultimately they end up breaking up anyway!! So what's the point of it all!? The record of this show in matchmaking is pretty mediocre to say the least. Even Jen broke up with that Andrew Firestone guy before when she was on The Bachelor.

It's hilarious watching these guys fight over Jen. I'm watching it and HOO HOO HOO... some guy fainted on the show!!! The guy dropped to the floor, passed out! And in a future episode there's going to be COPS showing up, and Jen's going to be breaking down in SOBS!

See, this is what I mean when I say you need a STRONG STOMACH to watch. The Bachelorette falls in the so-bad-it's-good category.

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