Friday, October 15, 2004

THE RED SOX ARE PATHETIC

Is there a sorrier excuse for a baseball organization than the Boston Red Sox? I mean, come on, no World Titles since 1918?!

Even the lousy Toronto Maple Leafs have done better than that--- 1967! And they're considered the Boston Red Sox of the NHL! At least there are people still alive who remember seeing the Leafs parade down Yonge Street with the Stanley Cup. But the Red Sox... you can count the few Red Sox fans still alive who remember that 1918 victory on your FINGERS. You CAN'T count up the hordes of people who remember the 1978 Bucky Dent homer, or Bill Buckner in 1986. Most of them are still with us with their long memories. Those fans truly need some good antidepressant medication.

Well, the Dead Sox ain't winning this year either, folks, so sales of antidepressants should continue at a brisk pace up there in Losertown, I mean Beantown.

Curt Schilling is a scratch for Game 5 due to his busted ankle, so the Red Sox are finished. Even if they somehow manage to come back against the Yankees, they'll get their heads blown off by St. Louis. I don't think anyone can stop the Cardinals this year, not even the Yankees. But you can FORGET the Red Sox- they're DOOMED.

Don't feel too bad for Red Sox fans, though. These same people in Boston all cheer for the New England Patriots, so I wouldn't feel sorry for them one bit if I were you. (And I kid when I call the place Losertown; it's not anymore, thanks to NFL parity and the salary cap.) In fact, there are lots of cities out there with even sorrier, hapless fans. For example:
  • All fans of the Chicago Cubs. No explanation needed. The Cubbies stink.
  • Throw in all the Chicago White Sox fans, too. They're an equally pathetic organization.
  • Hey, how about them Expos fans (R.I.P.)
  • All fans of the Buffalo Bills.
  • And every sports fan in the city of Cleveland.

I could throw in the pathetic Los Angeles Clippers fans but I don't think they actually HAVE fans- those are probably Lakers fans who couldn't get in to see the Lakers, so they go watch the Clippers instead. I don't think anyone would be caught dead being a fan of the Clippers. If there are any actual Clippers fans out there they probably need professional help. Really. Even being a fan of the Golden State Warriors would be better. They sometimes have a winning season.

I could even throw in Leaf fans, but heck, at least they still have 1967 to look back on. Right?! (Right now that's all they can do- look back, because there's nothing to look forward to as far as the NHL is concerned.)

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